Tuesday, January 25, 2005

 

January Sucks

January sucks. It's got to be the slowest month for baseball news. Maybe it's just that last season is now a fading memory, and next season is just a glimmer. Maybe it's because it rains all the time and everyone has a nasty cold and is in a bad mood.

So here we go with the Slow News Day edition of Giants Talk.

First off, congratulations to A.J. Pierzynski. He was the Skaldheim 2004 Knucklehead of the Year for various reasons, mostly having to do with crappy defense, a crappy attitude, and a crappy habit of hitting into double plays. But now, I have to retroactively upgrade his award to the Official Skaldheim 2004 Piece of Crap Special Award For Assholery Above And Beyond.

Why? Because of this, quoted from SFGate.com:

During a Giants exhibition game last spring, Pierzynski took a shot to his, shall we say, private parts. Trainer Stan Conte rushed to the scene, placed his hands on Pierzynski's shoulders in a reassuring way, and asked how it felt. "Like this," said Pierzynski, viciously delivering a knee to Conte's groin.

How A.J. didn't get shipped out of town a lot earlier is utterly beyond me now. If you watched him hit grounder after grounder, you have to wonder if Conte's were the hardest hit balls A.J. had all season....

How the mighty have fallen: Skaldheim favorite Richie Aurilia has signed a minor-league contract with the Cincinnati Reds. Only four years removed from one of the best seasons a Giants shortstop has ever had, Aurilia is now having to scrap for the crumbs off the baseball table. It seems unlikely that he'll be able to regain his old starting job, but I wish him the best of luck. (If only he played center field, he'd be guaranteed to start least 80 games for the Reds.)

In other news, Arte Moreno's secret plan to take over the world has begun to come to light. He plans to achieve world domination by claiming every city's name as his own. I salute his cleverness, and I hope that the Los Angeles, California Angels of Anaheim, San Diego and Las Vegas have a successful season. The new name has certainly already entertained me this season. (Though they're not nearly as hilarious as William Shatner and James Spader.)

This just in from Montreal. Ticket sales for the Expos are down only slightly from last year. Bud Selig was not available for comment. He was too busy helping former Expos and current Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria cozy up to Las Vegas.

Spring training better hurry up and get here. I don't know if I can take another Slow News Day.

Jefferson 3:34 PM

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