Tuesday, March 23, 2004

 

Spring Training for Chicken Little

It's spring training for Giants fans as well as Giants players. After a long winter of hibernation, it's time to stretch and get back in shape. Not physically, of course--if half of us tried to get off the couch and move around, FEMA would get a call before long--but emotionally and mentally.

Yes, it's time for the Spring Training Practice Gloom 'N Doom Panic! Just a test to see if this Giants fan can muster the necessary fatalism to face another inevitable postseason disappointment.

Let's see...how do we start?

The Giants are so doomed.

I mean, check it out--Jason Schmidt's shoulder is sore, and what started as a simple missed spring start is now threatening to extend into the regular season. Yeah, my heart just skipped a beat, too. If Schmidt goes down for a long period, the Giants are completely hosed. Just no chance to win whatsoever.

Okay, next up: Robb Nen. His shoulder hurts too. Yeah, that's the ticket. The trainer has told him to cut back on his workload because that damned shoulder won't stop hurting. Better warm up Herges to be the closer. If Nen falters, he might not ever come back. So Herges or Felix Rodriguez would be your closers. That just won't do.

And it just gets worse. Bonds, Alfonzo and Durham have all missed time due to nagging injuries or just being a million years old. Let's not kid ourselves--Barry is going to turn 40 this year. He keeps telling us he is already 40, but I know deep down he's really only 39. So he's not dead yet, but can we really expect another year of Superman? Will we have warning before Barry goes from Barry Bonds, 6-Time MVP to Barry Bonds, Former Great? I don't think so, and you have to wonder if this year is the year he falls to Earth. His dad's passed on, he's the eye of at least three hurricanes, he can't bring his guys in to stretch him anymore, and according to at least some wise guys, he's stopped taking those funny tablets that made him into Superman.

Let's face it--if Barry's not Barry Bonds, 6-Time MVP this year, the rest of the offense is going to show just how poor it is. We've got Neifi F. Perez playing shortstop every day, and if that isn't bad enough, the backups make more outs than he does! Is that even possible?

Don't get me started on right field. We need three right fielders because one gets hurt so much he gets volume discounts from his doctors.

Gah. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced this team is only going to win 35 games in 2004, and finish 150 games out of the playoffs...

Okay, I think I just pulled a muscle there. I shouldn't have tried to kvetch so hard in my first workout! Ouch.

Seriously, though--if a couple things go wrong (i.e., Schmidt and Bonds get hurt), this could become a lost season for the Giants, where they go 70-92 and we're all looking forward to football season in July. It could happen so easily. On the other hand, if things go just right, the Giants could go 95-67 and win the division.

The sooner we get this season started and see what we've really got, the happier I'll be. Another 6-0 start would be fantastic.

But that'll never happen three years in a row. Never.

Right?

Jefferson 3:33 PM

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